Legal— the “awe nuts” and bolts

I meant to post this weeks ago but it’s summer and I’m full time mommy to two for a husband who works from home (i.e. Sometimes they have to be QUIET which is a term neither my 3 year old nor 19 month old understand for more than 3 seconds). 

But- I figure if someone who is interested in surrogacy is reading they might appreciate this knowledge. 

First- it should be stated that these are only some of OUR legal restrictions and particulars- they will certainly vary from contract to contract and, I’ve found, IVF clinic to IVF clinic. So, these are just some of the crappy parts of the contract (but, I obviously agree to abide by them). 

  1. THE SEX- we were instructed to stop intercourse when the cycle started (essentially 4 weeks before the transfer). This is to protect all parties involved– I do not want another baby; I want to help grow someone else’s baby! So they essentially limit the chance of that happening by saying, “NO, no matter what!” We were, however, free to enjoy ourselves in other ways- which we did πŸ˜‰ for those four weeks. THEN, the transfer paperwork came through and we were told that once the transfer took place, NO ORGASMS 😳. I stupidly assumed that that was until the positive BETA (9 days). But the bad news of the call we got yesterday verifying that I am pregnant is that I am not allowed to orgasm until the damn ultrasound. TWO MORE WEEKS!?!!! (Now, I am sure there are people/couples out there that are alright with that- I know some women who would do backflips! πŸ˜‚ I, however, have only gone 4 weeks max and that was only after the birth of my babies when the nether parts needed some well deserved rest. So 7 fucking weeks?!? Ha! More like 7 non-fucking weeks?! That’s brutal. I may have to reconsider allowing my husband to be happy even though I’m not 😞)
  2. THE ALCOHOL- duh. No drinking when pregnant. Of course! Though I will admit that I had glasses of wine here and there during both my pregnancies and nursing (I was just careful about when I had said glass). This one isn’t mine though, so sure- not a drop. Okay😒. Our contract though, requested that we stop alcohol when the cycle started. So 4 weeks before the transfer. Ugh. It’ll be like, a year, before I can enjoy that sweet nectar again. 
  3. THE DELIVERY- I didn’t realize this until the contract was in front of me, but surrogate compensation for pain and suffering is stopped once delivery occurs. Which makes total sense. And, since my oven likes to over-cook it’s buns, it never occurred to me what might happen if baby girl shows up early. My job of growing baby is considered done at 28 weeks. Which means that I will receive everything as long as I make it past that point. THIS IS SUPER GENEROUS! My friend’s contract states that her “finish line” is 34 weeks with twins 😬! If she goes into labor before that time the payments end at that point.  Which is ultimately understandable since IP’s would then have NICU and hospital bills to worry about paying. So it makes sense- but is certainly something to be aware of if you’re ever considering being a surrogate OR using one! 
  4. THE EXERCISE- The IVF clinic stated that I was not to do any exercise that would get my heart rate above 140! Again, I assumed this would be until I was confirmed pregnant but again- I can’t exercise until the ultrasound 😩. I might lose my mind a littl with this. I just don’t quite understand the science behind it. Grrr…

No sex, no drinking, no exercising… I’m living quite the lame life. πŸ˜‘
The rest of its pretty straight forward- don’t eat soft cheeses, heat deli meat, stay off meth. You know, be healthy (just don’t exercise πŸ™„).

Oh- the other slightly unpleasant part:

These guys—yuck! I don’t have anything in the photo to give perspective but it’s a pretty long little stick and it goes you know where! I use them twice a day in addition to the progesterone shot my husband has to give me nightly. Some women REALLY hate these, but they just require a panty liner everyday which, in my opinion, isn’t so bad! 

******************

I feel it necessary to point out that this is just silly bitching. I am more than happy, thrilled in fact, to be able to do this for these parents. THRILLED! When the IP’s called to celebrate the positive pregnancy confirmation they were so complimentary and so thankful. IM said that I was biologically blessed and believe me, I know it! So I am very thankful that these parents trust me enough with carrying and growing their little girl for them. I almost tear up typing this… perhaps the hormones are kicking in afterall sheeshπŸ™„ (I’m typically pretty even keeled). 

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7 thoughts on “Legal— the “awe nuts” and bolts

  1. I was wondering about the heart rate thing too when exercising. I think it has something to do with trying not to deprive your uterus of blood flow if your heart is working hard to pump blood everywhere else. Something like that… I’m happy to be exercising during this pregnancy but I am careful to keep my heart rate down. Just in case.

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  2. I love being weeks behind you so I can know what’s coming up! Next week they are to send the legal contract to the IPs attorney so still have quite some time. How long did it take you to do the legal part 2 months? I’m practicing patience but I am so ready to get this going and be in the actual pregnancy stage! So much paperwork yuck.

    Joys to the medications curious did you have many adverse reactions? I’m not someone who generally takes medications besides for a headache if that so I’m pretty sensitive! Just curious!

    So glad to have found your blog well that you found mine and linked me lol.

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    1. I haven’t had any serious reactions to the meds. My husband claimed that I got a little… um… curt a few days into the birth control pills. And then again when I started the estrogen (3xday). But it eventually leveled out. I didn’t notice it myself, if that matters.
      My patience was pretty thin following the transfer- so about 8 or 9 day into the progesterone shots. But I, usually, just get quiet- not raging mad or screaming. I was also dealing with two babies who didn’t want the other baby to touch them and they were both whiny messes that day so it might have been them instead of the hormones lol.
      I also don’t take any medications, normally, so hopefully you won’t get any negative side effects!

      For legal- the IP’s drafted the contract and then we looked and made one change (I want a midwife if I have to be in the hospital). It took two weeks to receive, look over, red line, return, and sign. But we had the “all clear” months before we received the contract and I still don’t know what the hang up was. But oh well! Pregnant now!
      It’ll be here before you know it. And don’t rush legal. So important!

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      1. That is very helpful to know! I’ve had a few birth controls before that were not good for my mood so I hope this one I have to start taking Saturday is very minimal in side effects mood wise!

        I definitely won’t rush legal! Not with someone involving such a serious matter that’s certain. I am curious to see what it will all entail and I am hoping we are matched well so that there won’t be a lot of conflicts which I think we are!

        Thank you for all of the great feedback!! I know I will be here for more and to just read your journey! xo

        Liked by 1 person

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