T-minus 4 days

Today… oh. My. Goodness. Today. 

First, some background info. I am a control freak. I am probably your typical Type A personality. I like to know what is coming, what it will look like, why it’s on its way, how I can streamline it… I think I already posted something about this. I do not like blind corners! 

When I don’t know the answer to these questions, I tend to overthink and stress. I get anxious and brainstorm possible outcomes with potential variables that I might face when I turn the corner and have NO CLUE what might be facing me when I get there. I am also able to, logically, recognize that stressing about ALL the potential problems and their outcomes is often futile… but what else am I supposed to do?!? Huh?! Just sit there, patiently, and breathe?! Yeah fucking right! 

So- back to my day. 

Today my kids, my babies, my precious angels (yes, I expect you to forget that my post a couple days ago accused them of ruining my life) had their first day of preschool. 😬😳😩❤️😢

My sweet kiddos have, for the last two years, been staying home with their grandmother, my mom. We are so extremely lucky that she was willing to help us out (um, daycare for two = mortgage payment!). Plus they were getting one on two attention which is a damn good ratio!! All this to say, neither of them have any firm memories of being cared for/taught by someone else (Tucker had a brief stint in daycare before he was even a year old). 

All THAT to say, that this was a big deal for our family today and while I love (I mean love love love love) their school, it was essentially turning a blind corner. What if they get hungry like they did all summer right at 10 and starve to death?!  What if they misplace their water bottle and they get dehydrated and have to be hospitalized? What if the teacher doesn’t know how to change a cloth diaper and Sage ends up wearing a poopy diaper all morning and gets a rash? I mean, guys, they could die. How can I make sure to prep for all of the what ifs?! 

And, just like always, everything went just fine!

With quick kisses, before I could even bend down to hug them myself— they were off exploring their new school.  Not even a second glance back for assurance. 😢 Not even one tear shed, one slight glance of “is this alright? Am I safe?”, not one care for their poor mommy who was anxiously standing there trying desperately not to sob.

No tears (from them) just excitement and adventure. I know that is the absolute best possible way for it to happen. But as we made our way to the car I lowered my sunglasses to hide the tears that betrayingly leaked from my eyes. 😭

Then, since it was just a half day of orientation, during pickup, as soon as my son was in the car he asked, “Can I come back tomorrow, please?”  

How great is that?!? Again, LOVE this school. 

And Sage, not quite as verbal, when asked, “do you like Mrs. Teacher?” (Name excluded to protect the innocent) replied “I do!!!” And vigorously shook her head yes. 

I’ll call it a win. And well done preschool teachers! I salute you for making this happen! 

******

On the surrogacy front- I. Can’t. Wait. ‘Till. Friday. I can’t. I’m going to die. My marriage is withering. We are starving. 

Okay, I’m slightly hyperbolic but 7 weeks is a fucking long time. Too long. 

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One thought on “T-minus 4 days

  1. Omg!! I am so laying in bed sympathizing right now because my son starts preschool for the first time in September and he too has never been in care by anyone but me or my immediate family! Not even a friend has babysat him! I am feeling everything you are. I smiled and cried inside at your comment on them not even batting an eyelash to see if you were okay because they were so excited to start exploring! I love love love your posts and family life! Also I am so excited for Friday for you and not looking forward to when I have to deal with the wait……ack! Lol.

    Liked by 1 person

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