Monika's Musings

4dp5dt Round 2


So- it has happened again. I’m going off the deep end. 

And I think it’s worse that I recognize it happening but instead of turning away from the ledge, I embrace it and just jump right off that fucker anyway. 🙄

So, this go round I swore I was going to wait until Thirsday night (3.5 days past transfer) before I peed on a home pregnancy test (hpt). 

I made it to Wednesday night (2 days) 😬. 

Yeah, there’s nothing there. I’m aware. But I got it out of my system. 

Then, because the more expensive tests were on sale and just sitting around tempting me to pee on them, Thursday morning I decided that I should maybe try one that’s more sensitive because WHY NOT?!? So not even 3 days past transfer I wasted another test. 🤷‍♀️

And because after that dried I thought maybe I saw something and I was now officially 3 FULL days… 

yep, I peed on another one. (At least it was only $.88)

Seeing anything yet?!?

Yeah- me neither. 😕

But- new day- new sticks to pee on. 

So this morning I did this one:

And there STILL isn’t anything. Not even the slightest, squintiest, “maybe something’s there” line. So, I can tell myself it’s still early- and I KNOW it’s still early. But damnit. Let this one work— PLEASE UNIVERSE?!? Please please please?!?

So tonight, 4 and a half days past the transfer, I decided that I would just pee on a test every time I needed to go and just embrace my addiction full on (swan dive, if you will, into the deep end).

So around 5 I had to pee:

Yes- that is zoomed in SUPER CLOSE.

Yes- I totally edited the color of the photo in attempt to darken the imaginary line I thought maybe I was seeing. 

So, Yes- I created the line you may (or may not) see. 

Yes- I know I’m nuts but frankly, I don’t give a damn. 

Anyway- stay tuned. 

And, if you would, cross some fingers and toes, and eyes and… well… anything else that will cross- cross that too. Please. 

Cause I NEED this to work. We all do.