We are, today, 8 weeks and 2 days pregnant. It is the morning of our, hopefully, last U/S for the RE monitoring clinic and I’m nervous. I’ve been nervous for a couple of days.
It’s so strange. In both of my keeper pregnancies, I peed on a few sticks, was pretty confident I was pregnant, and somehow passed the time until I was 12 weeks along. Then, I was finally able to visit with my midwife to fully verify that there was a little human growing in there. And, even then, it was done only with a doppler. It wasn’t until the 20 week anatomy scan that we actually got to see the baby in there! What a trip that was!
With this pregnancy, there’s been so much attention! I got to see the little guy tucked in on transfer day. Then again 4 weeks after that for the heartbeat verification U/S. And now two weeks later we will hopefully see him again. So much attention!
But, as I mentioned, I’m nervous. And it’s disquieting because I was NEVER really nervous before any of my appointments with my two babes. I think I am just hyper aware of all the things that could go wrong. And it isn’t just me that would feel the devastation, or my husband, but the IP’s and their family would also feel that sadness and heartache and it’s that pressure that makes me ever so anxious to know that all is well in there.
Tag onto all this that I have ZERO symptoms. I may be more hungry than normal… but that is really about it and could easily be shrugged off. I had a couple of days where I felt a bit a nauseous but maybe that was some sort of stomach bug because it has gone away completely. I did feel like eating all the pickles in the fridge a few days ago but that isn’t all that abnormal for me, pregnant or not.
I am also on a surrogacy board with about 150 women who are in some stage of their surrogate journey and they live all over! It’s pretty amazing to hear their tales, their success stories, and their complaints. But, in addition to this, I also hear about their heartbreaks. Obviously ranging in levels of tragedy, but most recently, a surrogate went in for the same U/S visit I am about to head out for, only to find out that the heart had stopped beating around 7 weeks. Que tears.
Then, another lady who’s blog I follow had the exact same thing happen. So, even though the change of miscarriage drops to like .01% once heartbeat is confirmed, it does still happen and that freaks me out. I hate that for them and I hate that I am aware- so very very very aware- that it could, in fact, happen to us.
I wish there was some way to go back to being blissfully ignorant (yes, I am aware of the painful irony that statement carries coming from an educator).
Anyway, wish us all luck. My appt. is 9:45 TX time so if you read this and have a second, send some positivity out into the world for my IP’s and also a little for me.